Living in the City

This is my alarm clock every morning:

A car comes speeding down my street at 5:45 a.m. Bass pounding. The car stops just a few doors from my house. Horn begins honking. Yes. HONKING. At 5:45 in the freakin a.m. Who HONKS their horn that early in the morning? Seriously? Is it just me or is that really ignorant? So, anyway...today, the honking begins this whole domino effect of noise. The crazy oxycontin addicted neighbors wake up - they put their dogs out in the front yard - with no fence, of course, to crap on everyone else’s lawn (one dog looks like a hot dog with no legs on crack, the other dog looks like a poodle, but with patches of hair missing.) They begin yapping so loud that MY dogs, who are inside of my house, begin barking. Then, my dogs start going crazy because the lunatic neighbors dogs are basically just crapping all over my yard and just yapping at nothing. THEN, the boyfriend of the oxy addicted neighbor comes out and starts yelling at the top of his lungs, "HEY YOU! You git on back here God damn it! Git yer God Damn ass back on down dis here street now, God damn it! You better git your ass back down here now, God damn it!" I have no idea who or what he is talking to. It’s not the dogs because by this time, I am looking out of the front window wondering what the hell is going on - there is noise everywhere - neighbor screaming - dogs barking, bass pounding - horns honking - guns blazing. And he is walking and talking in the opposite direction of the dogs and he can clearly see his freaky dogs are yapping and crapping in front of my house. I’m peering out the window and the neighbor is stumbling around yelling at...NOTHING. It’s nuts! My street is nuts.

Anyway, I think tomorrow I am going to throw eggs at the 5:45 a.m. honker. That should put an end to his honking.